Note: These are fictional rules about a real movie, with some real Red Cross tips snuck in. We hope you never encounter a sharknado, but that you ARE prepared for emergencies.
The thought of a sharknado, either real or imagined, is terrifying. Having survived two movies with a third on the way, we’ve had a lot of time to consider how we might handle a Sharknadopacalypse! So dip your toes into the waters of sharktastic silliness with us. But stay alert, as you may just learn something you can use!
Sharknado Rule #1: Protect yourself with whatever tools you can find.
Shotguns, baseball bats, barstools, surfboards and chainsaws! As we’ve learned through the first two movies, taking hold of any shootable or swingable object you can find dramatically increases your odds of surviving a sharknado.
In fact, having the right tools is critical to getting through any disaster. Among the best tools you can have in real life is the Red Cross Emergency App, which puts valuable emergency tips and resources at your fingertips!
And what better time than now to download it, as we’ve recently included exclusive sharknado tips in the app for a limited time. Head to the “Prepare” section of the app to learn how to spot the danger signs and how to deal with the aftermath, just in time for Sharknado 3! Oh hell no? Oh hell YES!
Sharknado Rule #2: Plan what to do in case you are separated during an emergency.
If we’ve learned anything from sharknado, it’s that splitting up and trying to take on a disaster by yourself isn’t the best idea. You need people to watch your back, and strength comes in numbers.
Establishing emergency meeting locations is a core component of any Red Cross disaster plan – it even applies to sporting events! Your family should establish two places to meet – right outside your home in case of a sudden emergency, and outside your neighborhood (such as a friend or family member’s home), in case you cannot return home or are asked to evacuate.
Have a plan, and stick to it. One situation you want to avoid? Arguments at the last minute:
Sharknado Rule #3: Beware of the dark.
Matt Lauer and Al Roker are up before dawn for the TODAY Show, they should have known they might encounter a shark. No one is really safe during a sharknado, but regular shark safety tips should still apply: Avoid being in the water at night, dawn or dusk, when sharks are most active and not easily seen.
— Sharknado (@SharknadoSyfy) February 5, 2015
Sharknado Rule #4: Stay out of the water…and the streets…and your house…okay, nowhere is safe!
If sharks can end up in baseball stadiums, airplanes, helicopters and subway cars then, let’s face it, there really is no escape. But on your average day, your average shark spends most of their time in the water where they’ve spent a lifetime honing their swimming skills. If you decide to head out into water world (another silly movie for another time), we hope you’ve done some swim training of your own and taken your Red Cross swim lessons. Can you handle the sequence of water competency in order? Hint: this is NOT one of those things…
Sharknado Rule #5: Avoid the local hangouts.
Despite the fact that the occasional sharknado may rip through our local bar, amusement park, or baseball stadium, we humans still love our favorite gathering places. And just like us, sharks also have their favorite hangouts. When we all get through this latest sharknado, this is an important tip to remember: Exercise caution when occupying the area between sandbars or near steep drop-offs—these are favorite spots for sharks.
Sharknado Rule #6: Don’t panic.
Fin Shepard may have been scared to see sharks rain down from the skies, but despite the chaos and incredible bad luck, he kept his cool and managed to get himself safely through two (and presumably three) sharknadoes. Should you ever encounter a shark – the odds of which increase exponentially in a sharknado – don’t panic. Address the situation promptly and efficiently based on the tools and escape routes at your disposal. Remember actual shark safety tips such as not entering the water if sharks are known to be present, and evacuating the water swiftly but calmly if sharks are sighted.
Sharknado Rule #7: Stick together!
Regular beach goers should know there’s safety in numbers. Shark attacks are incredibly rare, but when they occur they are more likely to attack a solitary person than a group. The same concept applies for sharknadoes – strength in numbers creates powerful protection and confidence to get out alive.
Know how else you can stick together and help your sharknado comrades? Support sharknado victims (or anyone else in need of blood!) by donating blood or platelets this summer. Every two seconds someone in the U.S. needs blood, and we assume that number shoots up during sharknadoes.
— Sharknado (@SharknadoSyfy) July 31, 2014
Bonus Tip: If Ian Ziering invites you to hang out with him near an ocean, maybe don’t. Dude is a sharknado magnet! And he plays a guy named Fin. FIN! Hello?!
Disclaimer: The Red Cross knows that Sharknado 3 is a made-for-TV disaster, and the tips above are no substitute for being prepared for an actual disaster. Download the Red Cross Emergency App today to be prepared in the event of an emergency in your area. Covering 35 real-time alerts and safety information, this all-in-one app is a must-have for your phone.